Home Funerals

I listened to an interesting conversation regarding home funerals on NPR

a few days ago.  I am not sure I am up for all the cleansing and anointing of the body, but I understand that there are many benefits for immediate family members who partake in home funerals.  I do think we are all in a rush to call the funeral home once someone passes.  It seems like there is a big rush to hurry up and plan.  And while I understand that keeping the surviving family busy helps with the immediate shock and grief, we need to slow down.  

I wish I had spent time more time with the two most important men in my life when they died. I understand that hospitals, hospice, and nursing homes need beds for the next person who is in need, but maybe they should start providing  private areas where families can be with the deceased.  Every second is final.  Every family needs time to think if they want to spend more time with the deceased. We need time to make sure we have spent enough time. I certainly wish I had spent more time with my father and husband.   I did have a sense of urgency... for what I am not sure.....maybe because I knew the end is here.

What would you do for this family?

Maddie Alice Spohrs

November 11, 2007- April 7, 2009

I know the loss of a child is the most difficult death to face.  But preparing for a meaningful service for the family and friends is critical.  It can change the tone of a dreaded service and help with the closure element immensely.    Maddie was one special toddler, and this service needs to be done right.

Suggestions to share with the family for the service?  Here are a few suggestions~

Encourage to have the service at dusk, candlelight, lots of candles flickering.

play instrumental lullaby's on the sound system,

 Or perhaps have a harpist play.

Create a program that has photos of Maddie.

Add Maddie's favorite book verse on the back of the program.

Offer a white blanket to place over Maddie in her casket and have it personalized with a message to Maddie from her parents.

Offer the family take aways for the guest.

Maybe the take away gift  is an angel pin.

A stuffed animal with a tag attached " Maddie's favorite animal".

A small framed photograph of Maddie.

Give guests an envelope with a request card for donations to the foundation of their choice.

Encouraging the mother and father or siblings to speak at the service.

Serve  miniature cupcakes with pink frosting after the service. Maddie loved cupcakes.

Offer the family a special linen or silk register book with a photograph of Maddie on the cover

Allow the guest to journal in this special register book.

Think this one through. It is a special opportunity.

thren-o-dy

New word to add to your repertoire 

threnody

noun  plural  -dies   (thren-uh-dee)

a poem, speech, or song of lamentation, esp. for the dead; dirge; funeral song.

Don't Forget The Videographer

2 down and 2 DVD's.  Having someone tape my husbands' and my fathers' memorial service is still one of the most important "no brainer" decision I made when planning their services. Brides don't think twice about hiring a videographer to shoot their wedding and neither should any family putting on a funeral, visitation, or memorial service.

This service should be so easy for any director to sell.  It needs to be done professionally and not passed off to a family member.  Tell any family member that suggests he will take the video, that he needs to support the family, not hide behind a camera. Ok, you get my drift. 

Families members sent the DVD of my father's service to friends across the country and abroad.  Friends have called up my mother thanking her for sending them the DVD and sharing thoughts about the speakers, the music, and the grandchildren.

Talk about not knowing what to say to a grieving family member!  A DVD can be a great conversation starter.

We added my father's favorite songs, interviewed some of his friends and had that edited into the DVD. I don't have to try to remember that day, I just slip the DVD into my computer and can treasure that moment, even if only for a few moments.

Casket $1,200.00

Hearse $650.00

Death Certificate $20.00

DVD - PRICELESS

Product Placement

No matter what, even in this sour economy every funeral director should be looking for something new, different and unique.  Something that piques interest and keeps the momentum and excitement going in our business.  After all, I have heard that funeral directors are like wedding and event planners.

Funeral directors can deliver big impact with smaller budgets...

Details

This was the program that we put together for Dad's service.  We took the travel image and created a collage.  Each photo represents a passion or special place in my father's life experiences.

The grandson's passed out the programs.  They felt as though they were contributing to the service.  It was wonderful to see them interact with the guests. December 12th will be a bittersweet memory that they will be able to reflect upon when they think of their grandfather.

My daughter was in charge of making sure everyone signed the register book. Once again another opportunity for a child to feel  like they are taking on an important responsibility.

A sampling of a few details that made the morning perfect.  Obviously with Dad missing it wasn't perfect, but he sure would have been proud of how we commemorated his achievements.

• Police managed the parking lot and to open the doors for the guests.
  
• Signage was immediately visible so the guests they knew exactly where they were going for the service.
  
• Greeters were placed in the lobby leading to the ballroom and the register book.
  
• Dad's favorite music was playing before and after the service to create more ambiance.
  
• The program stated the music playing before and after the service were Dad's favorite songs.
  
• Coat Rack was out of sight, but available for the guests.
  
• Restrooms were checked, lights on and clean.  Ample kleenex.
  
• Skirted tables were set up for displaying Dad's memorabilia with additional lighting.
  
• Flowers arrangements were placed around the lobby, not just clustered in one area.
•  Yes, even though you don't light candles during the day, we had a evergreen scented candle adorn with greenery by my father's large photograph.
• A few days prior to the service, the people involved in the service did a walk through of the venue and went over the program.
  
• The food was sampled several days prior to the service.
  
• Food, hot and cold beverages were served to the guest immediately following the service.
  

~ Part Two Of Details Tomorrow ~

One Step At A Time

Dad Graduating from Washington & Lee

My life has not been mine for over a 7 weeks now.  I am trying to do anything I can to help ease the pain of my Mother's loss.  It has not been hell, but it has been very difficult.  I keep saying to myself, I can get through this, I have done this once before.  I just wasn't ready to deal with grief again. 

Another huge learning curve for me.  A huge learning curve for anyone who has to now walk a different path.  A new path, not sure of the way.  You know you will find your way.  Signage  is helpful, but instinct leads the way. There is no map for this path, no dress rehearsal for walking down this new path. Slow and steady steps as you proceed down this new path.

I am moving full speed ahead with some things and with other things, I just can't seem to move fast enough.